This is the introduction to Faith, a novella I wrote in sixth grade. It was edited last year. Anyway, I'm posting it to see if anyone's interested in reading more. Please respond. Thanks a bunch!
(Oh, by the way, the intro isn't supposed to be mind-blowing literature; it's just needed to get the story rolling.)
Moon Children are ethereal, angel-like beings. They have no vital organs, symbolizing their semi-invincibility. Human weapons and disease may inflict mild injuries on them, but never death. The only thing that can kill a Moon Child is a stronger magic (of which there are very, very few) or if the Moon Child willingly sacrifices herself.
In appearance, they resemble a cross between a rabbit and a dog that walks on two legs. Their fur is vividly colored and their eyes are like faceted gemstones.
There were originally ten Moon Children. Each one was born from the Moon. The birthing process is unique to anything seen on earth. Like dormant seedlings, the Moon Children lay curled inside the hollow Moon until they are needed on Earth. Each Moon Child possesses certain magical qualities. For example, Truth can read minds, Protection can shield someone from harm, etc.
The first Moon Child to be born was Courage, a noble creature with navy blue eyes and crimson fur. Her job was to see the world through its unstable early stages, when it was still forming. Following her, at intervals of a thousand or so years, came the other nine Moon Children. Together, they maintained peace and balance on Earth.
Each Moon Child possessed a magic item. Together, they were known as the Paws items; each one was emblazoned with two paws, one black, one white, representing balance in nature. Every item had its unique qualities. For example, Courage’s sword could drive through any substance, Freedom’s boots could help her travel at unearthly speeds, and Lyrical’s flute could shapeshift whoever played it.
When brought together, the Paws items would form a single sword that possessed the qualities of all the items combined. However, only an extremely powerful individual could wield it; alone, no single Moon Child could.
Only Moon Children can wield the items of Paws. But if there are no living Moon Children, someone else may do so.
This is where the Skeletal Hand comes into perspective. No one knows exactly where it came from. Some say it was born from the ignorance, hatred, and fear of the human race. In any case, its only purpose was to throw off the balance the Moon Children worked so hard to achieve, and to plunge the world into utter darkness. Researchers speculate the Skeletal Hand takes the form of a hand for several reasons. Hands are the instruments of creation and destruction. Also, a hand is not a complete being, therefore not having the balance of Moon Children.
The Skeletal Hand sat in darkness for hundreds of years until it was strong enough to conquer the Moon Children. It hit full force. In one night, all the Moon Children were gone. However, the Moon had been expecting this. So she conceived another Moon Child, her eleventh daughter, and named her Faith. Courage was the last Moon Child to fall. She had just enough time to bring Faith to safety before she died.
During the raid, the Skeletal Hand had stolen the Paws items from the Moon Children. Courage managed to keep two of them. One, the Shield, she hid in the Fall of Paws, the sacred waters of the Moon Children, where the Skeletal Hand could not penetrate. Two, the flute, she gave to a kindly human friend of hers, the Maid. Faith, also, was passed into the care of the Maid. There she grew up, sheltered from the outside world by great stone walls.
For as long as one Moon Child still lived, the Skeletal Hand could not wield the Paws items.
As long as one Moon Child lived, there was still Faith.
End of chapter
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Horribly cliche and good at the same time. Interesting and unique, but at the same time...cliche!
Hehe...dunno how to say that it is anything different (not bad), but just so cliche...its cliche!
very very nice! I love the part where you said "As long as one Moon Child lived, there was still Faith." that gave me the shivvers ! XD Although, one thing bugs me...
I think you need to put just a little more detail into places that need it... like -who- can use the Paws when needed? just a little more detail would be good...
I look forward to reading more!
~Scepter~
Wow.. Very very cool. I really like your ending where it said, "As long as one Moon Child lived, there was Faith."
I got major goosebumps there. This is fantastic! I will continue reading your chapters.
BBB
agreed...with everyone above. original idea, but more showing, less telling.
This is well written, but I agree with Seraph.
Keep Writing. Pretty Please?
It would be more interesting if the introduction were like a story being told by someone.
The whole deal with the paws makes me think of Power Rangers. That's not to say it's a bad idea, just what it made me think of. I'd like to see you elaborate on this detail more, like Seraph said. -Who- else can use the Paws if it becomes necessary? What would be adequate cause for someone other than the Moon Children to us them?
I think I understand why The Skeletal Hand waits, but it would be a good idea to elaborate more on this as well. You mentioned that it was to build strength and power, but why did it take so long with as much hatred and such that are in the world? Another question, why didn't the Moon Children know about it? or, if they did, Why wasn't something done to keep it from getting strong enough to kill them?
I'd like to know more about this Maid person. How did Courage come to know her? Why was she so trusted to raise a Moon Child and guard one of the two remaining Paws? Who is she exactly?
I think I covered everything..
I can't wait to read more.
~Rea
Hmmm.... it's good, but there are a couple of things that bug me. X(
Specifically, who? I'm sure no one wants some dirty old hand to get it... XD
First.... there is a lot of telling. Since this is the prologue, I would suggest you have it like somebody is telling the story, but reveal that person at the very end. That would be interesting.
Sorry, but all those things turning into a sword sounds a little cliche to me. I know, it seems like everything is a cliche. The jewel, the ring, the sword, the hammer....
Anyway...
I think it would be more interesting if it all turned into some sort of armor, but that's my opinion
Lyrical's flute..... you should probably be a little more specific. What I am currently imagining is a guy going "DANG!! I HATE when I turn into an
amoeba..." XDXDXDXDXDXDXD
"Only moon children can wield the paws, but others can if needed...." More details please
With the hand... why does it need to sit and brood for a while? It seems to me that all that hatred and other nasty things would be so strong it (he?) could mush them in a second. Perhaps he is waiting for Faith, so she can get the sword? ^-^?
That's it. I'm really interested on how this story turns out. I want to know how the hand managed to steal all those things, and how it moves, and the other elements of the story too; how will Maid raise Faith? Do they live with other people?
Oh, sorry for not reading this first. I got really into your first part. You know *o* wow.........
^o^V
Peace out, PLEASE KEEP WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***I^o^I***
I'm in the sixth grade.
In my unneeded opinion, you pulled "telling" off quite nicely! Moon Children, I like the species, so original.
Keep going!